ON TOXIC POSITIVITY
I recently read a post from a respected educationist in which he was encouraging people to keep on pushing despite the rejections. But as well-intentioned as it might be, it contains a toxic kind of positivity that has become pervasive on the internet these days. This kind of toxic positivity does not allow people the room to acknowledge the despair and the discouragement that constant rejections bring.
Rejection hurts. I would know because just this Friday, I got five rejections from different companies where I had applied for the role of content writer. However, while I understand that I need to keep pushing despite these rejections, the moment I opened the third email, I saw the cookies crumble. And I allowed myself to acknowledge my despair and to feel the discouragement.
Imbibing positivity and positive reactions to the disappointments life throws at us is necessary for one to make progress, but such positivity must be rooted in reality. It must give room for the inner world of emotions and feelings that yearn to be acknowledged. What posts like, ‘keep on pushing despite the rejections’ do is that they do not allow people to pause and acknowledge their disappointments and feel the hurt that follows.
For some hours on Friday, I did not leave my bed. I allowed myself to pause, to acknowledge my disappointment and feel the hurt. And here I am in the dawn of a new day, crouched before my laptop, ready to keep on applying. This is to say that pausing to acknowledge despair, to feel the discouragement, is good for one’s mental health. It is in the acknowledgement of that despair, in the grieving of the loss, that we find renewal, healing and the motivation to get up and fight again.
Dear human, acknowledge the disappointment and the despair that rejections bring. Allow yourself to mourn that interesting role you did not get, that relationship you lost, that contract that did not pull through. What you will find at the end of the grieving is hope, for hope is what remains when one reaches the base of despair. This may seem counterintuitive but I have found that it is one of the keys to wholesome living.